Is a Lap Dance Cheating?

lap dances cheating

by Christina Robinson, Nashville, TN.

In every relationship there are some dark areas, areas in which both partners feel threatened or ashamed by, even areas that could lead to an irrevocable split in a relationship.  Many married couples enter into a marriage somewhat blindly, and with very different ideas on what constitutes cheating.  This could lead to disaster for the marriage down the road. Most people across the board would agree that intercourse is absolutely cheating.  But what of other sexual acts that don’t result in consummation?  Should they be cause for dissolution of the marriage bond?

Men and women often have very different mindsets when it comes to strippers and cheating.  Most men will contend that it is not in fact cheating to visit a strip club, or even to enjoy a lap dance, as intercourse was not performed. However, if the wife differs in her opinion, it would be an entirely different matter. Conversely, perhaps we should envision a wife going to a strip club and having a lap dance from a male stripper- and most husbands would view that action with outrage, and a sense of betrayal. This kind of double standard is very common, and dates back far longer than these modern times, when men were expected to be sexually experienced and women were expected to be chaste until marriage.

It is this writer’s contention that a lap dance is indeed cheating. A man who visits a strip club and who pays for the extra service of a lap dance is experiencing a sexual event with someone other than a partner.  This is, quite simply, cheating. That being said, it is the responsibility of each partner in a relationship to come to an agreement of their own regarding what constitutes cheating in their own minds.  Without this agreement clearly spelled out, it can be assumed that there will be fallout from anything that occurs that is outside the scope of one side’s definition of allowable, and inside the other’s.

The wisest course of action may be to reserve all forms of sexual enjoyment to be enjoyed within the safety and freedom of a committed relationship.  Sex is at the heart of our human experience, and it is to most people the deepest way we can be intimate with one another. It is also the arena in which we are the most vulnerable. In essence, we are offering the deepest part of our sense of self to another, and withholding no part of ourselves.

This can be a frightening prospect to consider without some ground rules that keep each partner accountable. Without accountability, there can be no true intimacy, and no trust within the relationship. Such a relationship is doomed to failure before it even begins. A man who visits strippers might contend that “it doesn’t mean anything”, and loudly declaim his innocence in cheating, but such a man is deluded by the culture to think that seeking sexual gratification anywhere other than with his partner is within the bounds of acceptable behavior, and that sex is only defined as intercourse.

Bottom line: know before he goes.  Make sure you clearly define what constitutes cheating in your mind or Pandora’s Box is already open.  Isn’t it easier to ask forgiveness than permission?  Make sure you draw the cheating line where you are comfortable.  If you don’t want those sleazy girls grinding in your man’s lap, make sure you tell him so.  If you’re OK with him looking and not touching and you trust him to respect your boundaries, the strip club can really be a harmless place.

If you or someone you love has a strip club addiction, please visit They can help.